by Dr Gayle Claxton
I think one of the hardest things in life to cope with and deal with is the continued “broken” promises of loved ones. I am sure we have all been in a situation where we have heard the words from someone we love, believed in and trusted “I promise it will never happen again” or a different variant of one keeping their word, and as time goes by the “Promise” gets broken again and we again stand at the same place facing our doubt hurt and pain and a broken promise.
So how do we deal with this? How do we stop our heart becoming hardened towards that person especially if it is close friend or even harder a family member.
It is important to remember we are all human, and we all make mistakes and so on, but it is equally important to expect that person to hold to the core value of what they tell you and therefore take responsibility for it. Easier said than done, I hear many saying! I fully agree! However, we must make the choices as well that does not always lead us to the point where we feel there is no hope.
Many years ago, while walking through a deep valley in my personal life that lasted almost 5 years – I heard these words so many time “I promise it will never happen again” at first, I believed it until it happened again and again and yet again to the utter point of desperation. So how did I deal with it.
Firstly, I came to realise that my anger towards this person was not going to solve the issue either. I realised that trying to force a person to change was not going to work at all. I noticed that in my anger I allowed bitterness to rule my conversations regarding matters with this person, which went on to have a more negative effect on me that anything positive in the situation.
Secondly, I knew that walking away which was a very strong option at that moment would leave me unhealed and open to more hurt and anger.
Thirdly I found that the “Blame Game” was not effective in dealing with this situation at all and only caused to deepen the rift.
There were many more emotions that I had to deal with sometimes all at once and other times even on a daily basis … so what was the solution I found in this time?
I found out that we all make mistakes, we all are not capable of being perfect, but I did not negate the fact of people taking responsibility and this included myself. Why? So that I could feel better and slightly justified in my feelings?
No absolutely not, but so that the let’s call them the” promise breaker” would grasp a slight insight to what damage and pain they were causing by not standing true to their word and with that allow possibly a slight insight to the damage and the power of their choices were making in others.
So, what were the practical steps I took? I went to the place of my refuge – the Word of God – and I studied the scriptures on the promises that God has given to us – the promise keeper that NEVER goes back on His word to us. I read through them and asked the Holy Spirit to touch my heart in areas where I too am a promise breaker with Him and asked Him to forgive me … As I am not without sin, I would be foolish to throw the first stone at others.
As I read the word and saw everything God has promised me in all situations of my life. I also saw all my short comings as well, and by the power of the Holy Spirit I was able to let go of my judgemental spirit, my hurt and pain and complete disappointment. I allowed the Holy Spirit to deal with me and this allows healing to start with me first. This was a daily process, and daily I had to find the new mercies promised to me – because the situation of the broken promise was still there. The fact was things had been done that were not reservable and I faced these each day as well.
I once again approached the issue with the persons concerned and prayer and forgave and set my goals again on the expectant for filling of their new promises only for that to be shattered into pieces yet again weeks later. So, what do I do – do I carry on allowing such a person who really has no intention or willingness to change, but whose promises are nothing but mere words to appease a difficult situation. No this is where we reach the crossroads in relationships, friendship or what ever to choose to call them and I must decide for the wellbeing of my spiritual life and emotional strength and my value as a person, and this is where it gets really tough with the decision making. It’s not an easy one but to come to the realisation that not all my relationships / friendships are healthy and to decide to walk away takes not only courage but determination, and trust in the Holy Spirit for HIM to carry me through and to trust in His promise that says, “I will never leave you not forsake you!” Hebrews 13:5b
He who says in my heart “my Promises are yes and AMEN” The God who says His eye is on the sparrow and He watches over me! To now hand that situation with all the feelings and emotions I feel over to HIM. This form of trust is a powerful decision!
And as long as we continue to walk away from the past having left it at the feet of Jesus and put us in His hands He will as He promised to keep us!
I have realised that some people and friendships are called for seasons and others are there for life- Left the seasonal ones go when the time is over – for there is a new season with new things – and those called to you for life will be with you in the valley – not demanding anything but supporting you and they will be rejoicing with you on the mountain tops.
So don’t allow a life of “broken Promises” stop life but forgive and let go in the process the Holy Spirit said He will be there with you!
